Good Gratitude
Photo by Debby Hudson on Unsplash
Don’t repress your troubles by attempting to be grateful. If you have car trouble, don’t ignore it by saying at least the sun’s out and your children are healthy.
That’s dismissive and repressive. It doesn’t heal the pain of your troubles. It doesn’t help you to deal with them constructively. All it does is push them away to be handled later. Don’t use gratitude as a means of emotional procrastination. And don’t dismiss others by guilting them into false gratitude because their emotions are awkward for you.
But gratitude is good, of course! How can gratitude be used healthily? Here’s just one of many similar examples from the Psalms. “O God, insolent men have risen up against me; a band of ruthless men seeks my life, and they do not set you before them. But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness” (Psalm 86:14–15 ESV).
Let’s analyze: His trouble? Ruthless men surround him. His blessing to count? Even if humans are faithless, God is still faithful and steadfast.
What is the psalmist doing? He is connecting his gratitude to his troubles. He is not repressing his emotions with unrelated gratitude; he’s reframing his emotions with related gratitude. This is important: He’s telling God the truth about himself; then he’s telling himself the truth about God.
So let’s say you have car troubles, for example. Don’t tell yourself you have no permission to feel discouraged, concerned, frustrated. Don’t say, “But the sun’s out and my kids are healthy and a lot of people have a lot less, so I should be grateful.” That’s works-righteousness. That’s you trusting in you. That’s functionally atheistic and emotionally procrastinating. You won’t heal that way.
Instead, first, tell those true feelings to God. Then second, tell yourself something about God, something related to your troubles, something related that you can be grateful for. (Ex. maybe God has given you new opportunities to rely on others. And also, God has been there for you before and given you a cool story, so he probably will help again. In addition, the last time something broke (the dishwasher), God used it to bond your family together.)
Don’t abuse gratitude by repressing negative emotions in hard times. Instead, use gratitude to reframe emotional pain into confident trust in a personal God who loves you and gave his son Jesus for you. That’s gospel gratitude. That’s good, healthy gratitude.